Okay, I admit it, I thought I was done with this subject a couple weeks ago, like most blog posts that make the rounds with my friends the various "Let/Don't Let Your Kids Choose To Not Go To Church" posts came in a bunch and then we'd move on to whatever else someone thought was killing the church. But NO, another round of "Get your kids into Sunday worship" posts are showing up.
So, I've made my points on choice previously, but my issue with these are that they tie into everything I'm struggling with regarding this whole "church survival" culture. There are lots of points where this culture goes astray, but this recent series of articles hits two main ones. 1) Church = Sunday Morning Worship (or at least that large corporate worship is central to the idea of Church). 2) The objective of Church is to survive, and that means indoctrinating kids into the culture so that (maybe, hopefully) they'll find it essential to their adult lives.
So let's talk about this: The church built around a large corporate worship as the only, best, or even "right" way to do church is dying. Not for every congregation or context, but as a whole it is. This is NOT what church is or what church needs to be in the new paradigm. Worship will happen, but it's quite probable that it will happen in smaller groups, or at special times of the year, or both, or connected to mission and other parts of "Church," or who knows exactly, it should based on the new paradigm be contextual, organic, and relational. And to be quite honest, for most churches, large corporate worship is not, and quite probably can not be that sustainably.
So why then is this the drum that so many beat when it comes to the ideal of "helping our children be Godly?" Probably in large part because it's what they know. For many, Sundays at church was the norm, but it also was rarely (and most of the posts I've seen state this) the only way faith, religion, and/or spirituality interacted with their life. The problem is that having spent most of our life in the Postmodern Transition, we create a false duality and over emphasize the roles of institutions which support our "truth." This is not where we are today, and certainly for kids who have spent most of their life in the new paradigm is actually completely illogical. Not saying that all kids who go to a Sunday large service of worship will turn against it, but coming to that will NOT keep anyone involved in the church or with their faith by itself.
If anything, for those who have spent most their lives in this relational paradigm of convergence, the separation of the world at the "worship hour" is going to present large issues with finding purpose unless it is supported by a connection to the rest of the world around us. At some time in the near future there will be a tipping point where this struggle to maintain and survive will be the very thing that brings about an inevitable ending.
It is though the fear of this ending that I think causes us to write so many of the posts, to spend so much time reflecting on how to survive. Yet, it seems too often rather than being willing to risk letting things that we've always known and make us feel safe and connected to our ideas of "God," we think that we just need to focus on making others think the same way we do. This is especially risky (in my opinion, as if everything we right isn't based on our opinions) when it comes to our children. I struggle a lot with parenting, the ideas we ask our children to accept just because we hold them close to ourselves aren't always ones we should impose on our kids. I started struggling with this with sports. So often I see babies dressed in school or team colours, told to cheer on "our team" just because it's "mom's team" or "dad's team."
The thing is we don't stop with sports (and even if we did, I'd have lots to say, but that's a different post), we basically tell our children for years who God is, what God thinks, and sometimes go as far as to turn God into the global boogie man without meaning to. We want our kids to think like we do, and we do it to the point of indoctrination. That's a problem, I see it time and again at confirmation age. There are kids who have never asked questions, they come to church because they're told to, they answer questions with certainty because they've been told what the right answer is, but when faced with realities that conflict with these answers, they don't know how to doubt, they don't know HOW to make a CHOICE!
We've created a world filled with anxiety because these children have never existed within a world where there was a "right" path to a "single" truth. Their world is relational and every thing that happens adds to the book they are doodling in (see previous blog posts for more on this) creating new understandings. But we want faith not to be in THAT book, we want faith to be already written. We want them to memorize the text book and never deviate from or question it.
Have you looked at a GOOD children's educational book recently? Many have more questions than answers. Most new one's I've seen aim to put kids into the world their studying and then leave them room to go find more about the questions that matter to them. We just finished our first youth literary circle here, they read the BFG by Dahl and they had so many different thoughts on the BIG stuff (Fear, Hope, Pain, Life, Ethics) that came from the reading it was hard to keep track of who asked what and who answered what and what all that lead to.
We cannot indoctrinate our kids and expect them to survive in a world where the constant stream of information means that their reality is ALWAYS changing. They need room to figure it out. The things church provides are useful and important in that formation, but the idea that the other things of life are somehow less important, or even unequivocally less Godly than that Sunday morning thing is very misplaced.
So let's sum this up before the few people who have made it this far move on:
Going to church as a kid WILL NOT mean that they'll come to church as an adult. This NEVER should have been our intent. I've seen in a number of posts the idea that when we have kids, people come back to church. There were once statistics to support this, but that was mostly part of a modern way of thinking that became paramount in the postmodern transition to the idea that our truth was a truth based on a singular path. The fact though is: if we're not going to be the kind of place that an individual thinks is important to THEIR OWN LIFE at any certain time, there was never anywhere to go but down, because as we are more able to see the complexities of the world, we look for places to engage our passions, and those places and people become most important. The church CAN be that place, but we have to make it that place. We have to let go of the idea that getting people in the door is our purpose, we have to let go of the things that make us comfortable, we have to stop trying to survive and become whatever it is our context needs most. If we allow ourselves to be moved by the Spirit that envelops all things, WE will find our passions, our children can find their passions, and God's reign will move ever closer.
<End Rant>
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Is **Fill In The Blank** Killing the Church?
I read an article this morning. It's main point was that when churches isolate/segregate certain demographics within the church through programs, or when certain demographics have programs that isolate/segregate them from the larger church, it becomes harder to actually be the church and build real community.
The problem is that it was titled "Is __________ killing the Church." That was not the main point being made, it was a sensationalist headline and one that turned at least half of the responses to it against it completely. Suddenly what is basically a singular story from an individual's moment of reconsidering the effects of a style of ministry was seen as another "Us vs Them" ideological issue to get up in arms about.
Seriously, the article wasn't all that deep in the first place, it didn't go beyond that one individual's "oh, hmmmm" moment. It didn't offer suggestions for integrating developmental needs with community life, and it didn't point to any of the things that cause certain parts of any ministry to be isolating/segregating, and it NEVER said that the church was dying.
So my rebuttal is as follows:
1. The Church is not dying. It just is not. What church is and how it functions is, like most other things, adjusting to a new paradigm. If you feel like something is hitting the church hard foundationally, it's just because new paradigms shake down old power structures and reform them. It'll be just fine, God's work has survived and thrived through paradigm shifts before. The people and the process just had to change. We can do that together. Which brings me to point 2.
2. The point of the actual text of the article is kind of a "well duh" for me, read the first paragraph I wrote here again and it should seem kind of obvious. We need to be able to be a diverse community where all are "in this together" regardless of differences. Yet, this was not a "well duh" for the author, this is still authentic experience, and that is important to respect.
3. "Us vs Them" and sensationalism kills that respect that is essential for dialogue, and thus for community. We're not in this together when we're turning someone's experience into an ideological viewpoint.
4. With that said, I would love to talk with the person who wrote the headline, so I can understand the choice they made and the experiences that lead them to that choice. Because nothing is cut and dry when it comes to what we do, there isn't this single "always right for everyone" way to do things. What is the "right way" is discerned in community, and will be different in some ways for just about every situation.
5. That's actually the value in not having much of how the "change these things" or any "these are the things that cause this" lists. Those lists will be slightly different for everyone who reads it, the blanket "how to" does not work. Yet, sometimes starting points are helpful. Which is why I just filled up facebook with this post.
6. We do need to think about what things in our church contribute to any group not interacting as fully as they could. We do need to see that from both the perspective of the community(church) and the perspective of the group that is "less connected." We need to be intentional about helping the whole community(church) see why what is may not be "best" and help everyone move forward together. This is slow discerning work, it changes and molds over time. What works right off the bat may not continue to work as even short periods of time pass, that though is the nature of community, the nature of church, the nature of God's work. And that what we're all up to, and we are "all in this together."
(This post was initially posted on FB without a link to the original article (which is from 2010 and why it's making the rounds today I'll never know), as though it was inspiration for this post, credit should be given. The original article can be found at http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2010-02/youth-ministry-killing-church)
The problem is that it was titled "Is __________ killing the Church." That was not the main point being made, it was a sensationalist headline and one that turned at least half of the responses to it against it completely. Suddenly what is basically a singular story from an individual's moment of reconsidering the effects of a style of ministry was seen as another "Us vs Them" ideological issue to get up in arms about.
Seriously, the article wasn't all that deep in the first place, it didn't go beyond that one individual's "oh, hmmmm" moment. It didn't offer suggestions for integrating developmental needs with community life, and it didn't point to any of the things that cause certain parts of any ministry to be isolating/segregating, and it NEVER said that the church was dying.
So my rebuttal is as follows:
1. The Church is not dying. It just is not. What church is and how it functions is, like most other things, adjusting to a new paradigm. If you feel like something is hitting the church hard foundationally, it's just because new paradigms shake down old power structures and reform them. It'll be just fine, God's work has survived and thrived through paradigm shifts before. The people and the process just had to change. We can do that together. Which brings me to point 2.
2. The point of the actual text of the article is kind of a "well duh" for me, read the first paragraph I wrote here again and it should seem kind of obvious. We need to be able to be a diverse community where all are "in this together" regardless of differences. Yet, this was not a "well duh" for the author, this is still authentic experience, and that is important to respect.
3. "Us vs Them" and sensationalism kills that respect that is essential for dialogue, and thus for community. We're not in this together when we're turning someone's experience into an ideological viewpoint.
4. With that said, I would love to talk with the person who wrote the headline, so I can understand the choice they made and the experiences that lead them to that choice. Because nothing is cut and dry when it comes to what we do, there isn't this single "always right for everyone" way to do things. What is the "right way" is discerned in community, and will be different in some ways for just about every situation.
5. That's actually the value in not having much of how the "change these things" or any "these are the things that cause this" lists. Those lists will be slightly different for everyone who reads it, the blanket "how to" does not work. Yet, sometimes starting points are helpful. Which is why I just filled up facebook with this post.
6. We do need to think about what things in our church contribute to any group not interacting as fully as they could. We do need to see that from both the perspective of the community(church) and the perspective of the group that is "less connected." We need to be intentional about helping the whole community(church) see why what is may not be "best" and help everyone move forward together. This is slow discerning work, it changes and molds over time. What works right off the bat may not continue to work as even short periods of time pass, that though is the nature of community, the nature of church, the nature of God's work. And that what we're all up to, and we are "all in this together."
(This post was initially posted on FB without a link to the original article (which is from 2010 and why it's making the rounds today I'll never know), as though it was inspiration for this post, credit should be given. The original article can be found at http://www.christiancentury.org/blogs/archive/2010-02/youth-ministry-killing-church)
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Community and Fandom
I am watching sports today, but I can't bring myself to cheer for anyone. Reading about the recent events in Kansas City over the past few weeks had made me wonder about our attachment to sports, and our level of fanaticism in general. Today that feeling took on a whole new level of meaning with the news regarding the deaths of Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend. While details have not been released, and we may never know the full story, it's hard for me not to wonder about all the words we say about these "stars" and "athletes" who we really don't know at all.
A thanksgiving article on the team's website that spoke of where he was a mere 10 days ago (thankful, driven to succeed . . .which the titled said helped both himself and the team) has been pulled down, but I remember reading it along side many articles out there on other sites that listed him as the worst starter on his team. I also have read more articles about the other events in KC, such as the cheering of an injured QB, and the concern that players didn't hate their opponents but praised them and asked for autographs. Even at the time I thought a moment about how much pressure that must put on people when it seems like everyone hates you and you can't do anything right.
I tell parents of teens I coach and work with regularly that they need to be careful what kind of pressure they put on their children. We often live vicariously through our children under the guise of wanting the "best for them." We want them to succeed, and we go about defining what success looks like for them, often without hearing what they actually are trying to tell us about how they feel. In the form of a family that's something that can be done rather easily, there may have to be some habits changed by parent and child, but there is a relationship that is quite personal at the core. When it comes to players in sports, or politicians we like, or artists, or pastors/writers/speakers or anyone else in the public sphere that we feel a level of commitment or connection to, there isn't that base. We may feel some level of connection through social media, or even the continual running commentary from analysts and talking (typing) heads, but we only really understand these people to a certain level, and really we still are expecting more of them, than they are expecting of us. This unbalanced relationship, and the constant stream of opinion cannot help but create a whole new kind of pressure.
For me, there are a couple of questions this begs. The first is "Do we need to re-examine the place of sports (politics, music, public figures) in our lives?" The second is "If we are going to continue to make these things important in our lives, how do we better see these people as fully human and not just characters in a 'game'?"
I could easily answer "yes, and just being less wrapped up in these things in our lives" and be done with this, but I think the issue is bigger. We are all people looking for acceptance and connection with others, in our search for this we have become people who are willing to accept the pseudo-communities built along like mindedness (that is quite clear in things like sports/politics where there are "winners and losers" and a simple thing that connects us ideologically) rather than focusing on being fully connected with community. If we would actually get to know the diversity and connect to the people (and thus their problems) who see in our daily lives, we would become more wrapped up in this life we're living rather than having our lives swing on the actions of others and our escape from reality. It is escaping this reality that creates a false reality where we create pressure and anxiety in the lives of those who we don't even know.
Let us not add to problems we cannot fix. Let us not be wrapped up in the lives of those we do not know, but let us get to know those who we live with, and let their lives wrap us up.
A thanksgiving article on the team's website that spoke of where he was a mere 10 days ago (thankful, driven to succeed . . .which the titled said helped both himself and the team) has been pulled down, but I remember reading it along side many articles out there on other sites that listed him as the worst starter on his team. I also have read more articles about the other events in KC, such as the cheering of an injured QB, and the concern that players didn't hate their opponents but praised them and asked for autographs. Even at the time I thought a moment about how much pressure that must put on people when it seems like everyone hates you and you can't do anything right.
I tell parents of teens I coach and work with regularly that they need to be careful what kind of pressure they put on their children. We often live vicariously through our children under the guise of wanting the "best for them." We want them to succeed, and we go about defining what success looks like for them, often without hearing what they actually are trying to tell us about how they feel. In the form of a family that's something that can be done rather easily, there may have to be some habits changed by parent and child, but there is a relationship that is quite personal at the core. When it comes to players in sports, or politicians we like, or artists, or pastors/writers/speakers or anyone else in the public sphere that we feel a level of commitment or connection to, there isn't that base. We may feel some level of connection through social media, or even the continual running commentary from analysts and talking (typing) heads, but we only really understand these people to a certain level, and really we still are expecting more of them, than they are expecting of us. This unbalanced relationship, and the constant stream of opinion cannot help but create a whole new kind of pressure.
For me, there are a couple of questions this begs. The first is "Do we need to re-examine the place of sports (politics, music, public figures) in our lives?" The second is "If we are going to continue to make these things important in our lives, how do we better see these people as fully human and not just characters in a 'game'?"
I could easily answer "yes, and just being less wrapped up in these things in our lives" and be done with this, but I think the issue is bigger. We are all people looking for acceptance and connection with others, in our search for this we have become people who are willing to accept the pseudo-communities built along like mindedness (that is quite clear in things like sports/politics where there are "winners and losers" and a simple thing that connects us ideologically) rather than focusing on being fully connected with community. If we would actually get to know the diversity and connect to the people (and thus their problems) who see in our daily lives, we would become more wrapped up in this life we're living rather than having our lives swing on the actions of others and our escape from reality. It is escaping this reality that creates a false reality where we create pressure and anxiety in the lives of those who we don't even know.
Let us not add to problems we cannot fix. Let us not be wrapped up in the lives of those we do not know, but let us get to know those who we live with, and let their lives wrap us up.
Monday, October 10, 2011
What would I ask myself:
While I was out directing 50 HS/MS on how to act on the Ed Sullivan Show, someone asked me online what questions I'd ask someone interviewing for a youth and family position. Here is a short list of things:
Why do you feel this ministry is important to a church?
What things would be a sign to you that a church thought this ministry was important?
In doing this ministry, what things do you see being the best use of your time and skills?
What are some of the best things you've seen others do that you have not been able to replicate (and follow up with "Why" if needed)?
How do you see other ministries in this church affecting and intersecting with this ministry?
Where do you feel you (would) work best when doing this ministry?
In what ways do you find the parts of this ministry similar? different? (depending on what info they have may also have to ask "what do you find to be the essentials of this ministry")
Something you thought would work really well didn't turn out the way you expected, what would you do?
How do see relationships, programing, resourcing, and planning working together in your view of this ministry?
A new family comes to worship, what do you do? (or has been coming for a month, depending on what you want to know)
How does your own life reflect the ideals that you feel are most important to the work of this ministry, in what ways does it not?
How does this ministry affect other groups in the church (list if needed)?
How do you deal with someone who feels that a major part of your ministry is "not for them?"
Who are the most important people to your ministry?
I could go on for a while (and have) but this is a good kickoff interview list I think to get people to possibly give more than just canned answers and open up comfortably about if a ministry is truly a fit.
Why do you feel this ministry is important to a church?
What things would be a sign to you that a church thought this ministry was important?
In doing this ministry, what things do you see being the best use of your time and skills?
What are some of the best things you've seen others do that you have not been able to replicate (and follow up with "Why" if needed)?
How do you see other ministries in this church affecting and intersecting with this ministry?
Where do you feel you (would) work best when doing this ministry?
In what ways do you find the parts of this ministry similar? different? (depending on what info they have may also have to ask "what do you find to be the essentials of this ministry")
Something you thought would work really well didn't turn out the way you expected, what would you do?
How do see relationships, programing, resourcing, and planning working together in your view of this ministry?
A new family comes to worship, what do you do? (or has been coming for a month, depending on what you want to know)
How does your own life reflect the ideals that you feel are most important to the work of this ministry, in what ways does it not?
How does this ministry affect other groups in the church (list if needed)?
How do you deal with someone who feels that a major part of your ministry is "not for them?"
Who are the most important people to your ministry?
I could go on for a while (and have) but this is a good kickoff interview list I think to get people to possibly give more than just canned answers and open up comfortably about if a ministry is truly a fit.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Growing or Transforming
I will not forget the words of my late seminary professor Cecil, he would always say: "Your job as pastor is to take care of the church, and taking care of the church is assuring it's health and long life. You do this by bringing in young families. Those are the most important people to a church." I thought then it was a bunch of bull, and I still do. Yes, that is now, has been, and will probably continue to be the way to assure that the church goes on functioning for yet another generation, but it misses the importance of actually being church.
The congregation I work with is undergoing a revisioning process, and it has been hard to stop the talk of "how do we grow the church" within that conversation. I agree we shouldn't just focus on what our church is but on a picture of what it could become in this process, but really transforming the church is different than just growing the church. Cecil is right, if you want to grow a church get focused on your youth, children, and families, but if you want to transform a church, then everyone is involved.
I was talking with one of the children at the church recently and asked the question "What is church here for?" Her answer: "To take care of those who can't take care of themselves." Do to the nature of the conversation we didn't get much deeper than that, but it is true, we are here to be community, to carry one another in a way that is healing and creative. We're not just here to bring other people in, we're here to be part of what goes out and changes the world. We must then focus not on those who can help us, but on helping those who can't help themselves. We are transformed by interacting, and I would hope that we're trying to be transformed into people with a larger vision. That means discovering new things about God, the world around us, and ourselves through relational experiences.
I took a group of youth this summer on their first mission trip. I watched them put together thoughts about inequality, human rights, and God's plan for all creation in ways that I'd never heard before. They connected with people, and then made bigger connections. We so often miss this in our normal church lives. We disconnect what we're up to in a building or through our programs from the bigger picture. Yet I truly believe that the reason it is essential for us to gather together is so that we can be transformed by one another.
This then extends to the church as a whole. If the church is going to be transformed it has to truly interact with the world around it. It can't be just a bubble with programs to draw in, it has to be a living moving creation that goes out and interacts with the world around it. It has to take care of those who are part of it that can't take care of themselves in order to be able to take care of all. It has to visit, it has to love, it has to be with the world, walking with the world and hearing the issues, and then working to help those who hurt, who are unable to help themselves, just as Jesus did.
We are the hands and feet of Christ. If we believe this, believe ourselves to be God's body, we need to be about God's work. Jesus did not worry about washing himself, he served and washed others. It was not about how many people were following him, but about what he could do for those who did. Jesus transformed the world by doing the work of God. The children came to him not because he created an environment that was child friendly, but because children recognize true friendliness and are attracted to it naturally. If we want our churches to be transformed, to continue to be relevant in generations to come, we must act as friends to the world. We must go and do God's work, and trust that God's love and grace is truly as irresistible as we claim it to be.
The congregation I work with is undergoing a revisioning process, and it has been hard to stop the talk of "how do we grow the church" within that conversation. I agree we shouldn't just focus on what our church is but on a picture of what it could become in this process, but really transforming the church is different than just growing the church. Cecil is right, if you want to grow a church get focused on your youth, children, and families, but if you want to transform a church, then everyone is involved.
I was talking with one of the children at the church recently and asked the question "What is church here for?" Her answer: "To take care of those who can't take care of themselves." Do to the nature of the conversation we didn't get much deeper than that, but it is true, we are here to be community, to carry one another in a way that is healing and creative. We're not just here to bring other people in, we're here to be part of what goes out and changes the world. We must then focus not on those who can help us, but on helping those who can't help themselves. We are transformed by interacting, and I would hope that we're trying to be transformed into people with a larger vision. That means discovering new things about God, the world around us, and ourselves through relational experiences.
I took a group of youth this summer on their first mission trip. I watched them put together thoughts about inequality, human rights, and God's plan for all creation in ways that I'd never heard before. They connected with people, and then made bigger connections. We so often miss this in our normal church lives. We disconnect what we're up to in a building or through our programs from the bigger picture. Yet I truly believe that the reason it is essential for us to gather together is so that we can be transformed by one another.
This then extends to the church as a whole. If the church is going to be transformed it has to truly interact with the world around it. It can't be just a bubble with programs to draw in, it has to be a living moving creation that goes out and interacts with the world around it. It has to take care of those who are part of it that can't take care of themselves in order to be able to take care of all. It has to visit, it has to love, it has to be with the world, walking with the world and hearing the issues, and then working to help those who hurt, who are unable to help themselves, just as Jesus did.
We are the hands and feet of Christ. If we believe this, believe ourselves to be God's body, we need to be about God's work. Jesus did not worry about washing himself, he served and washed others. It was not about how many people were following him, but about what he could do for those who did. Jesus transformed the world by doing the work of God. The children came to him not because he created an environment that was child friendly, but because children recognize true friendliness and are attracted to it naturally. If we want our churches to be transformed, to continue to be relevant in generations to come, we must act as friends to the world. We must go and do God's work, and trust that God's love and grace is truly as irresistible as we claim it to be.
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