Happy New Year! It is time for a new start. Of course that start is built on everything that has happened before and as much as we'd like a reset button, there just isn't one on life. So we start anew mentally, but in reality we're continuing on a path that has been moving forward since well before we ever were part of this physical existence.
Yet, all things are becoming new. That is where the path takes us, towards something new, something God intends that we have yet to fully be able to understand. So we peak at the things we see that may speak to what God is up to. We look at a world that is changing rapidly around us and we remember that our God tells us time and again "Do not fear" even as we wonder what all these new things mean for us. We are told this because God does have a plan, which will happen regardless of our willingness to go with it.
Yet we're reminded that faith(fulness) is all about discerning and acting along with the ways of God. So that means placing others before ourselves, looking out for all in need, and pursuing justice in God's name. It means being part of our community, not just the community of faith, but part of the world that is God's community of faith, God's world made up of all of these different people, all of whom are as much in God's image as you or me.
Many of you heard me talk about the "new" paradigm. This is a place where God's relational relevance needs to be at the forefront of who we are. We are to be people who are making all things new. Who are moving forward in the ways of God. We don't know exactly what the end looks like and we cannot assume to be able to understand that end, but we can act as we are able in the here and now trusting that God knows what "New" really looks like.
May we make the New Year not a beginning or an end, but a commitment to doing things that make the world and ourselves new everyday. We're all in this together.
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Love is Logical
When I look back over my life there are some key things that most every girl I ever liked had in common. On the other hand I can also look back and see some great people who really liked me that I wouldn't even give the time of day. What was it that kept me from being attracted to these girls? In reality, I just wasn't, I had a very specific type of personality and physical look that would keep my attention and moved me romantically. I couldn't then, and can't now logic being attracted to others in that way. Of course at one time that inability to logic attraction made me wonder how ANYONE could be attracted to those who I wasn't. As I though came to a greater understanding of how we communicate and began to better see the world through others eyes, I saw that everyone had things that they were attracted to, but they weren't always the same things.
I now feel this is THE most reasonable argument for why same sex attraction is normal. It's not that everyone should be, but that some just ARE. It is what they are romantically interested in, just as I have only certain people who attract me, they do too. There is no difference. So if you are to tell someone not to be attracted to those of the same sex, you are also saying that you shouldn't limit who you're attracted to by anything other than a set of external rules. I'm not even sure how we could determine these external rules. It's just illogical to think that we should all only be attracted to the exact same people. I have never seen anything that makes that seem realistic.
Why do I use this as my core argument? Because it is all the same love. Beyond the complexities of Gender Identity, Roles, Physical Sex, and all of that, who we're attracted to is just that, a short list of people that is different for every person. It is just how we all do it, regardless of where we may fall on a spectrum. I can argue with you from a theological standpoint, from a justice standpoint, from a legal standpoint, from any number of other standpoints, but this simple idea to me seems the most universal to all. Even if you're not attracted to anyone at all, you know what you don't feel. Why can we not understand that this just is what it is, and we can't really just go change it?
I tried after my divorce to date a few people different than my ex, mostly physically different but also personality. My wife now is physically similar, and in some core places is almost the same, same with her personality, there are differences, but there are some key similarities. I know for some these core attractions do adjust over time, but we all I think can find some patterns either throughout life or within a season of life.
I don't care what you think about people's actions, there is a serious issue with judging who a person is attracted to, regardless of if that judgement is based on gender or personality or a person's look. It is like judging another for other differences in thought, such as if you were to judge me because I'm an aspie and can't think the same way as "most" or judging me for what I choose to eat because I am a diabetic. I do not fit simply into either of these boxes, and to simply use your experience with others who are labeled with these labels to define me is unfair and judgmental These are both complex situations I find myself in that I have to work with. But they are more than illnesses or disorders, they are part of me, part of a full me, a core me, a real me that is as real and complete as any other.
Equality is not as simple as the rights to do what others get to do. To allow all legal rights does not make us equal. What makes us equal is seeing all people as complete people and treating all that way. That means there is no one set of rules that will always make everyone fit, that is actually the core of a relational theology. God is three and God is one in relationship. All three are different, but they are all fully God. It is the same for us, we are each individual, but it is in our relationships with others who are different but still fully human that we ourselves can be fully human ourselves.
Let people be who they are. No law is going to change us, we have to change us. We have to see people as fully equal to us if we want to move forward and bring the kingdom. Time to get rid of the fear and embrace the same love one for another that we have been given since creation when we were made in the image of Love.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Frisbee and Faith
Tonight while playing Ultimate Frisbee there was a moment that reminded me a lot of what I've seen going on through social media with my the PCUSA. In this blog I want to present a series of quotes (as I best remember them) that I heard there and how I've seen them at play in my denomination recently.
First some background: I've played with the same basic group of people for the last 5 years. Some members have come and we've added some new ones but there has always been a core group that had come together just to have fun and play. We've had a few come in with different views of what "fun" was but they tended to come and go fairly quickly. Recently the always open invite has brought a large group of diverse points of views, and tonight the core group was certainly a minority. A number of college and club players were there as well as others who "want" to fit into that world.
So that is where we start. And it doesn't take long for tensions to increase and interactions such as the following to begin. (all expletives are adjusted out)
"You can take it out and bring it back in"
"Sorry, that's not how we play here"
"Cut IN, Why won't you cut?"
"Because that's a normal throw to make."
"Not if you're REALLY playing"
"Well that's how we play"
"Stack"
"What's that?"
"UGH!"
These types of interactions I find common in the PCUSA. It's like we're speaking two different languages and the longer we don't feel like others are getting what we're trying to say, the more agitated we get.
Finally after some comment that I did not hear one of the core group (we'll call him Kurt) started picking up the cones (his) and running off. The rest of the core group also slowly faded to the sidelines. As Kurt ran away from the field he yelled "Who do they think they are, they came to play in OUR game!" One of the other players yelled back "We're just trying to play the right way." At that point the rest of the core group outside of me left as well (mostly just uncomfortable with what happened).
I again see this time and again in PCUSA. Take our toys and go home? Sure. Tell people that they need to get with the "right" way to do things or to think? Sure. Yell it back and forth because both sides have decided to hold their ground at all costs? For Sure!
As they left, a series of questions and comments came my way as we made use of waterbottles and hats as cones.
"You've played with them the longest, what was that about?"
"Let them go, let's just play"
"Seriously, are they always like that?"
"I've never seen them that way, what's going on?"
"That was uncalled for"
I wasn't sure what to say. No one really wanted the answer it didn't seem ("You've taken what they saw as fun and made it something they don't recognize without really including them in the changes." "Why they are here doesn't mix with this well without first feeling like you respect who they see themselves as")
Yet, so often I feel like that's what I'm called to try to explain within my church and denomination. Why does one side not see the world the way another side does on an issue or as we tend to camp together with like thoughts as a general worldview.
Both sides didn't want to dialogue, they didn't want to work together, they wanted what they wanted and wanted it now because they both felt like they had the "right" answer and the "right" to dictate how things should be. They wanted to poke holes in what the other side wanted and prove to them why they should change. They didn't want to hear a different viewpoint and then find a way to move forward and find what would be what things "should" be for the good of all. Yes, the good of all may have ended the same way, but really there was no desire to do so.
So often this is exactly what I hear. I work with a conservative Head of Staff who really wants to dialogue but gets defensive because he's been attacked so often. I tweet regularly with people who consider themselves progressive and liberal who likewise take up defensive stances from the attacks they've suffered. I can't blame either side for being defensive honestly from a cultural point of view, but I feel we're called to be counter cultural as the church. So how do we begin to actually dialogue, discern, and live faithfully together into whatever the future will bring? We're far from it, our current GA thus far seems to be pointing to a culture much like our Frisbee game. Some are tired of fighting, some are very much standing their ground, some are stuck and unwilling or more likely unable to help anyone move forward. Regardless of what you want for the church, we need to move against the culture of "us" vs "them" and show another way to struggle with things that are divisive and with worldviews that just do not match up.
In Acts 10, Peter sees a vision of a sheet and it is filled with things that he correctly labels as unclean, yet God gives him a new way to interpret what he sees. It is not a simple revelation, it is one we see many struggle with over time: "Do Not Call Common (Unclean) What God Has Purified." I believe we all have sheets, some of them include people we disagree with, some include actions we find unforgivable, some include things we don't understand in others lives, but we all have a sheet. We need to realize that God has created all of us in God's image and God is always working towards unknown ends. That will always leave us with a certain uncertainty, and it is that uncertainty that we need to focus on. We don't have the answers, we're just asked to struggle together towards that distant, hazy goal that is beyond all the stuff that we have to get through to get there. Let us focus on struggling together, realizing we don't KNOW anything about what is going to happen or how it is going to happen and live at peace with the uncertainty of "What's Next" or even "What Now." If we are able to do that we may have a chance to do discernment together and be something more than people fighting over how to play a game.
First some background: I've played with the same basic group of people for the last 5 years. Some members have come and we've added some new ones but there has always been a core group that had come together just to have fun and play. We've had a few come in with different views of what "fun" was but they tended to come and go fairly quickly. Recently the always open invite has brought a large group of diverse points of views, and tonight the core group was certainly a minority. A number of college and club players were there as well as others who "want" to fit into that world.
So that is where we start. And it doesn't take long for tensions to increase and interactions such as the following to begin. (all expletives are adjusted out)
"You can take it out and bring it back in"
"Sorry, that's not how we play here"
"Cut IN, Why won't you cut?"
"Because that's a normal throw to make."
"Not if you're REALLY playing"
"Well that's how we play"
"Stack"
"What's that?"
"UGH!"
These types of interactions I find common in the PCUSA. It's like we're speaking two different languages and the longer we don't feel like others are getting what we're trying to say, the more agitated we get.
Finally after some comment that I did not hear one of the core group (we'll call him Kurt) started picking up the cones (his) and running off. The rest of the core group also slowly faded to the sidelines. As Kurt ran away from the field he yelled "Who do they think they are, they came to play in OUR game!" One of the other players yelled back "We're just trying to play the right way." At that point the rest of the core group outside of me left as well (mostly just uncomfortable with what happened).
I again see this time and again in PCUSA. Take our toys and go home? Sure. Tell people that they need to get with the "right" way to do things or to think? Sure. Yell it back and forth because both sides have decided to hold their ground at all costs? For Sure!
As they left, a series of questions and comments came my way as we made use of waterbottles and hats as cones.
"You've played with them the longest, what was that about?"
"Let them go, let's just play"
"Seriously, are they always like that?"
"I've never seen them that way, what's going on?"
"That was uncalled for"
I wasn't sure what to say. No one really wanted the answer it didn't seem ("You've taken what they saw as fun and made it something they don't recognize without really including them in the changes." "Why they are here doesn't mix with this well without first feeling like you respect who they see themselves as")
Yet, so often I feel like that's what I'm called to try to explain within my church and denomination. Why does one side not see the world the way another side does on an issue or as we tend to camp together with like thoughts as a general worldview.
Both sides didn't want to dialogue, they didn't want to work together, they wanted what they wanted and wanted it now because they both felt like they had the "right" answer and the "right" to dictate how things should be. They wanted to poke holes in what the other side wanted and prove to them why they should change. They didn't want to hear a different viewpoint and then find a way to move forward and find what would be what things "should" be for the good of all. Yes, the good of all may have ended the same way, but really there was no desire to do so.
So often this is exactly what I hear. I work with a conservative Head of Staff who really wants to dialogue but gets defensive because he's been attacked so often. I tweet regularly with people who consider themselves progressive and liberal who likewise take up defensive stances from the attacks they've suffered. I can't blame either side for being defensive honestly from a cultural point of view, but I feel we're called to be counter cultural as the church. So how do we begin to actually dialogue, discern, and live faithfully together into whatever the future will bring? We're far from it, our current GA thus far seems to be pointing to a culture much like our Frisbee game. Some are tired of fighting, some are very much standing their ground, some are stuck and unwilling or more likely unable to help anyone move forward. Regardless of what you want for the church, we need to move against the culture of "us" vs "them" and show another way to struggle with things that are divisive and with worldviews that just do not match up.
In Acts 10, Peter sees a vision of a sheet and it is filled with things that he correctly labels as unclean, yet God gives him a new way to interpret what he sees. It is not a simple revelation, it is one we see many struggle with over time: "Do Not Call Common (Unclean) What God Has Purified." I believe we all have sheets, some of them include people we disagree with, some include actions we find unforgivable, some include things we don't understand in others lives, but we all have a sheet. We need to realize that God has created all of us in God's image and God is always working towards unknown ends. That will always leave us with a certain uncertainty, and it is that uncertainty that we need to focus on. We don't have the answers, we're just asked to struggle together towards that distant, hazy goal that is beyond all the stuff that we have to get through to get there. Let us focus on struggling together, realizing we don't KNOW anything about what is going to happen or how it is going to happen and live at peace with the uncertainty of "What's Next" or even "What Now." If we are able to do that we may have a chance to do discernment together and be something more than people fighting over how to play a game.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Crimericans and Chrisamericans
I created two portmanteaus a few years ago when trying to explain my frustration with how Americans had mixed what they understood it meaning to be an American with what it meant to be a Christian. I decided to write this blog to explain the terms and the differences in them, and the dangers behind both of them.
Chrisamericans or ChrisAmericans - This is the group that I think has existed for the longest, is the most logical post-reformation to exist, and is perhaps the least dangerous of the two. People in this group primarily see Christianity through American lenses. This can be as small as a view on mission as us "taking" something to others, or as big as thinking our version of democracy is God's preferred government. While these things keep people from seeing God at the complete center of all things, they are typically willing to learn and hear other viewpoints and don't think they have all the answers to everything. They just want what's best for the world and think their country is as good as it gets. This is slightly short sighted, but we all have lenses we see the world through that keep us from seeing things clearly. Thus the name Chris (focused mostly on faith) Americans (focused wholly on country). We all have biases and well this is just another one, at the best someone will realize they see the world this way, at their worst they are easily swung by our second group.
Chimericans - This is a group that I see and hear more every day recently. They not only think that America is central to everything, but think there is only one version of America and one version of Christianity and the two and attached in all forms. This is where it gets dangerous because while ChrisAmericans exist throughout a political, social, and spiritual spectrum, those who fall into the Chrimericans category create an "Us vs Them" dynamic where they blindly ascribe to their ideologies regardless of what others may present as counter arguments to their points. Chrimericans will even move along a range of thoughts as long as it serves the end of maintaining or gaining power. They convert both Christian and American ideals into some mixture that fits their comfort level. To argue with those who have done this is a struggle at best, even relationships that show them something different can be less than convincing. Their name signifies how they choose to short both sides, both American ideals of freedom and Christian ideals of justice to create a comfortable place for them, or at least one that they perceive as being a certain way in the future.
The soundbites from those in the later category have become so loud, that many of us who do not agree with them have begun to lump these two groups together and in the process begun to create the same "Us vs Them" rhetoric from just a different standpoint. There are differences between people who have issues seeing the world from outside their experiences but are attempting to do good, and those focused mainly on achieving an end that is at its center self-serving. Not all who do things we do not agree with are trying to create a world counter to the one we seek and hear God calling us to. We must be careful who we vilify less we take the same mistake to think we have the full and complete vision of God ourselves and limit what God is doing in this world by our own desires.
Chrisamericans or ChrisAmericans - This is the group that I think has existed for the longest, is the most logical post-reformation to exist, and is perhaps the least dangerous of the two. People in this group primarily see Christianity through American lenses. This can be as small as a view on mission as us "taking" something to others, or as big as thinking our version of democracy is God's preferred government. While these things keep people from seeing God at the complete center of all things, they are typically willing to learn and hear other viewpoints and don't think they have all the answers to everything. They just want what's best for the world and think their country is as good as it gets. This is slightly short sighted, but we all have lenses we see the world through that keep us from seeing things clearly. Thus the name Chris (focused mostly on faith) Americans (focused wholly on country). We all have biases and well this is just another one, at the best someone will realize they see the world this way, at their worst they are easily swung by our second group.
Chimericans - This is a group that I see and hear more every day recently. They not only think that America is central to everything, but think there is only one version of America and one version of Christianity and the two and attached in all forms. This is where it gets dangerous because while ChrisAmericans exist throughout a political, social, and spiritual spectrum, those who fall into the Chrimericans category create an "Us vs Them" dynamic where they blindly ascribe to their ideologies regardless of what others may present as counter arguments to their points. Chrimericans will even move along a range of thoughts as long as it serves the end of maintaining or gaining power. They convert both Christian and American ideals into some mixture that fits their comfort level. To argue with those who have done this is a struggle at best, even relationships that show them something different can be less than convincing. Their name signifies how they choose to short both sides, both American ideals of freedom and Christian ideals of justice to create a comfortable place for them, or at least one that they perceive as being a certain way in the future.
The soundbites from those in the later category have become so loud, that many of us who do not agree with them have begun to lump these two groups together and in the process begun to create the same "Us vs Them" rhetoric from just a different standpoint. There are differences between people who have issues seeing the world from outside their experiences but are attempting to do good, and those focused mainly on achieving an end that is at its center self-serving. Not all who do things we do not agree with are trying to create a world counter to the one we seek and hear God calling us to. We must be careful who we vilify less we take the same mistake to think we have the full and complete vision of God ourselves and limit what God is doing in this world by our own desires.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The God of America
I spent a good bit of time in my childhood/teens in SBC churches. I even remember a seminary board member who was part of one of these churches telling me they were always there to make sure I had every opportunity to live up to my potential (at least until I got divorced). I have a fairly good working knowledge of the conservative christian world because of this I think. Today's event in Texas and the politicizing of faith is not what I remember anyone in that world really standing for. The political ideologies played some part in things sure, but what we taught and were taught was all about helping others regardless of the cost. Now I admit that it often glossed over some of the national social issues, but I remember many nights carrying blankets for the homeless, driving them to shelters, and giving money towards medical missions at home and abroad. These were the things people talked about and did. Yes, there was an annoying amount of morality based theology, but the "literal" reading of scripture didn't read like "America the Chosen nation." It often read very differently than that.
I don't know exactly how this side of Christianity got co-oped by those wanting to create fear and promote nationalism, but it certainly seems to have happened. Maybe it's because instead of being a community where various ideologies had a voice, all the dissenting views left or were pushed out (and some of both happened). Without dissenting voices it is much easier to broker fear, without those who push our buttons and make our blood boil that we truly love, it is easier to call them enemies, to push them into a group known as "other." I say this with a sense of fear of what could still happen in the PC(USA), where the sides divide, glad to let go of struggles and settle into a comfortable place. I don't think that's what we're called to. I think we're called to struggle. To struggle along with those we disagree with vehemently, to struggle about the meaning of scripture, to struggle with questions of power, privilege, equality, and love. We need to see that none of us have the only way, and that we must go together if we are to do anything good in this world.
Today there are people praying for the economy, for our nation, for moral values, and for other things that I personally find to be misguided prayers. I would rather us pray for equality of humanity, care for creation, love for all, and continued struggling together, but those praying for these other things can only journey with us if we're willing to treat them as equals and not as others. I do not agree with the co-opting of God for national, personal, or ideological gain, but I do nothing better if I'm not willing to engage in the conversations and act in love.
That being said, I must say why I am pained by the subjects of these prayers:
1. The Economy - Those who have lost before know that these prayers are ones of protect what I have. Yet, God is clear that nothing is our own. Should we lose everything, we gain a freedom that we do not have when we possess things of our own. We should not pray that God fixes the economy, but that we will learn what many who have been or are homeless know: There is a real difference between want and need.
My prayer: http://youtu.be/a-O88_hZD5o
2. Our Nation - I do not hate the US, but I do not think we deserve any special blessings, or even deserve all we have. We are truly a nation of privileged and power, and any prayers for our nation should begin with a greater realization of what protecting our own does to damage the rest of the world. God is not interested in making our nation great, rather God is interested in the greatness of all of creation and that begins with us all realizing our shared humanity, our shared divine spark, and our shared call to be stewards of all of Creation.
3. Morality - I don't think we should go about killing each other or just doing whatever whenever, but really it is not what people do in scripture that makes them faithful or not, why do we think that's the key for us? The key for those called faithful within our Christian (and by extension Jewish) tradition is a willingness to listen and discern that which God wants from them. Jonah is reluctant, Moses is both reluctant and immoral, Peter falls far from belief or morality (cutting off ears, easily forgiven?) . . . these are heroes, and they should be because they never stop struggling and discerning. They are faithful, not moral. The why is of greater importance than the what. This also means that we are not to decide for others what is most faithful in any specific instance, but again walk along side them in their journey, for we do not know which paths are narrow or wide while we are on them.
There is much more I could say, but really you've probably read all you want to by now. Again, I wonder how many others really think that God is America's God? How many feel that God is more interested in us than any other nation? How many think that God feels that the things we call important to God are really the things that are important? How many want a God that is a God that is going to say "You didn't feed me when you saw me on the street corner that one time, you're a goat, go to hell."? How many think that God just wants you to believe, be fairly moral to those you care about, and ask for lots of forgiveness, all while trying to protect that which you think of as yours?
Or do we really realize that God created us for something more, for greater works of faithfulness, for an actual relationship with God, each other, and all of creation that calls us to give all of ourselves up and being uncomfortable and struggling, but to do so together in love with one another for there we will find peace?
I don't know exactly how this side of Christianity got co-oped by those wanting to create fear and promote nationalism, but it certainly seems to have happened. Maybe it's because instead of being a community where various ideologies had a voice, all the dissenting views left or were pushed out (and some of both happened). Without dissenting voices it is much easier to broker fear, without those who push our buttons and make our blood boil that we truly love, it is easier to call them enemies, to push them into a group known as "other." I say this with a sense of fear of what could still happen in the PC(USA), where the sides divide, glad to let go of struggles and settle into a comfortable place. I don't think that's what we're called to. I think we're called to struggle. To struggle along with those we disagree with vehemently, to struggle about the meaning of scripture, to struggle with questions of power, privilege, equality, and love. We need to see that none of us have the only way, and that we must go together if we are to do anything good in this world.
Today there are people praying for the economy, for our nation, for moral values, and for other things that I personally find to be misguided prayers. I would rather us pray for equality of humanity, care for creation, love for all, and continued struggling together, but those praying for these other things can only journey with us if we're willing to treat them as equals and not as others. I do not agree with the co-opting of God for national, personal, or ideological gain, but I do nothing better if I'm not willing to engage in the conversations and act in love.
That being said, I must say why I am pained by the subjects of these prayers:
1. The Economy - Those who have lost before know that these prayers are ones of protect what I have. Yet, God is clear that nothing is our own. Should we lose everything, we gain a freedom that we do not have when we possess things of our own. We should not pray that God fixes the economy, but that we will learn what many who have been or are homeless know: There is a real difference between want and need.
My prayer: http://youtu.be/a-O88_hZD5o
2. Our Nation - I do not hate the US, but I do not think we deserve any special blessings, or even deserve all we have. We are truly a nation of privileged and power, and any prayers for our nation should begin with a greater realization of what protecting our own does to damage the rest of the world. God is not interested in making our nation great, rather God is interested in the greatness of all of creation and that begins with us all realizing our shared humanity, our shared divine spark, and our shared call to be stewards of all of Creation.
3. Morality - I don't think we should go about killing each other or just doing whatever whenever, but really it is not what people do in scripture that makes them faithful or not, why do we think that's the key for us? The key for those called faithful within our Christian (and by extension Jewish) tradition is a willingness to listen and discern that which God wants from them. Jonah is reluctant, Moses is both reluctant and immoral, Peter falls far from belief or morality (cutting off ears, easily forgiven?) . . . these are heroes, and they should be because they never stop struggling and discerning. They are faithful, not moral. The why is of greater importance than the what. This also means that we are not to decide for others what is most faithful in any specific instance, but again walk along side them in their journey, for we do not know which paths are narrow or wide while we are on them.
There is much more I could say, but really you've probably read all you want to by now. Again, I wonder how many others really think that God is America's God? How many feel that God is more interested in us than any other nation? How many think that God feels that the things we call important to God are really the things that are important? How many want a God that is a God that is going to say "You didn't feed me when you saw me on the street corner that one time, you're a goat, go to hell."? How many think that God just wants you to believe, be fairly moral to those you care about, and ask for lots of forgiveness, all while trying to protect that which you think of as yours?
Or do we really realize that God created us for something more, for greater works of faithfulness, for an actual relationship with God, each other, and all of creation that calls us to give all of ourselves up and being uncomfortable and struggling, but to do so together in love with one another for there we will find peace?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Creating a Spirit of Fear
I spent today with a youth who I know has lots of thoughts and opinions, but rarely expresses them. You can see her brain working but rarely do words come out beyond "That's fine", "It's okay", "Whatever you want", "I can do that", etc. Around the half way point of the day, she finally says this: "I don't say much because I'm afraid I'll say something wrong and disappoint someone or embarrass myself."
I was told recently how impressed people were with how "mature" my kids are. Well, I wanted then to tell that parent then that I wish my kids knew more about what being a kid is like. These are kids who are expected to take care of younger siblings, take care of grieving parents, and take care of each other due to loss in the community. They are kids who live structured lives run by coaches and directors, kids so talented that they seem to always be placed in leadership roles wherever they go. This seems to have been the case for most of them since they got to middle school.
How hard do we push our kids to grow up? Why do we push them in certain ways? It seems to me that we far to often view kids as our legacy, and thus try to give them a leg up in being "the best they can be." Youth are the future of the church, our kids "shouldn't go through what we had to," we want them to have "happy lives." All of these ideas have major issues. We set up kids to shut down because they're afraid of failing us, and thus failing themselves and God by extension. We make kids feel like what they do is attached to who we are and our emotions. We set them up to think if people aren't happy then things have been a failure.
We shouldn't focus on happiness of any individual or group when talking about what it means to be adult or to be Christian. Rather we need to use a language that encourages finding "meaning" and acting on that "meaning." Kids know they want more than to be happy, but we've been telling them for so long that "we just want you to be happy" or "I'm not upset at you, I'm just not happy right now" that they don't even know what it is they're seeking.
So since they know there's more to life than being happy, but it seems the only other options are pleasing "adults" who seem to want to be happy at their core. This sets up the fear of disappointing others or self that my youth today spoke of. They want to make sure they're saying, doing the right thing. They don't want to feel bad about a wrong choice, so why even bother choosing anything when "someone will tell me what to do."
So what type of place do we need to create within the church for our young people? A place where they know they can't disapoint us? A place where they can seek meaning? A place where they're encouraged to speak what is on their mind freely, just so they can get it out there? Probably a little of all of these things, but it's not easy because both the culture and the church is full of this legacy thinking, full of people afraid to be wrong, afraid to risk their "good name," afraid they may find themselves uncomfortable while searching for meaning instead of happiness. We can't ask our youth to be in the present, to be the change they want to be, if we're not willing to join them. They are not the future, they are the present, and their questions, their struggles are our struggles. But we're the adults, we should provide real opportunities to journey through these things, not provide a place where youth are afraid to journey as individuals and within the community.
I was told recently how impressed people were with how "mature" my kids are. Well, I wanted then to tell that parent then that I wish my kids knew more about what being a kid is like. These are kids who are expected to take care of younger siblings, take care of grieving parents, and take care of each other due to loss in the community. They are kids who live structured lives run by coaches and directors, kids so talented that they seem to always be placed in leadership roles wherever they go. This seems to have been the case for most of them since they got to middle school.
How hard do we push our kids to grow up? Why do we push them in certain ways? It seems to me that we far to often view kids as our legacy, and thus try to give them a leg up in being "the best they can be." Youth are the future of the church, our kids "shouldn't go through what we had to," we want them to have "happy lives." All of these ideas have major issues. We set up kids to shut down because they're afraid of failing us, and thus failing themselves and God by extension. We make kids feel like what they do is attached to who we are and our emotions. We set them up to think if people aren't happy then things have been a failure.
We shouldn't focus on happiness of any individual or group when talking about what it means to be adult or to be Christian. Rather we need to use a language that encourages finding "meaning" and acting on that "meaning." Kids know they want more than to be happy, but we've been telling them for so long that "we just want you to be happy" or "I'm not upset at you, I'm just not happy right now" that they don't even know what it is they're seeking.
So since they know there's more to life than being happy, but it seems the only other options are pleasing "adults" who seem to want to be happy at their core. This sets up the fear of disappointing others or self that my youth today spoke of. They want to make sure they're saying, doing the right thing. They don't want to feel bad about a wrong choice, so why even bother choosing anything when "someone will tell me what to do."
So what type of place do we need to create within the church for our young people? A place where they know they can't disapoint us? A place where they can seek meaning? A place where they're encouraged to speak what is on their mind freely, just so they can get it out there? Probably a little of all of these things, but it's not easy because both the culture and the church is full of this legacy thinking, full of people afraid to be wrong, afraid to risk their "good name," afraid they may find themselves uncomfortable while searching for meaning instead of happiness. We can't ask our youth to be in the present, to be the change they want to be, if we're not willing to join them. They are not the future, they are the present, and their questions, their struggles are our struggles. But we're the adults, we should provide real opportunities to journey through these things, not provide a place where youth are afraid to journey as individuals and within the community.
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